Posts tagged ‘beauty’

February 14, 2011

I have VD lips


Ohhhh, VD jokes are never not funny to me. Anyway, just in time for your hot date tonight (with Brad Womack, if you know what’s good for you), here’s my new favorite way to get all tarted up. See, when you’re on t.v. they tell you to wear lipstick because the lights wash you out. So obviously I had to whip out every lip stain and stick I own to find the perfect shade. Hot pink. For VD. {Also, speaking of being on t.v., you can watch me and my mom here. And keep your eyes peeled for a bridesmaid Molly cameo or two, AND look for my awkward facial expressions because I had no idea where to look when I wasn’t talking.}

February 4, 2011


How about a break from the OMG-MY-BOOK-IS-FOR-SALE-DON’T-YOU-LOVE-MEEEE posts? Because for serious, blotchy skin and zits don’t give a crap about whether or not I have a book out. Right. So. PEOPLE. My life, it has been changed. I’ve talked before about how I don’t have the best skin in the world…and that fact has never been so apparent as it is right now, while I’m continually drying it the hell out with sub-zero winter air, then slathering it with goopy moisturizer. Recipe for disaster. Luckily, a little lady known as Julia came to the rescue a couple of weeks ago.

Okay, enough talk. Here’s the magic potion:

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November 28, 2010


Ho, indeed. It’s finally time to start making a list and checking it twice. If I were rich, I would make high-end stockings for all of my girlfriends and stuff them with the following. Since Dave would implode if he saw how much such a stocking would cost per person, I’ll have to limit myself to giving single items to my ladies. Still, a girl can dream…and share her dreams with her lovely readers (that’s you!). These are a few of my favorite things…I give each and every one of ’em the Wiggs seal of approval.


1. L’Occitane Amande milk concentrate lotion and shower oil. ($40.90 and $22.00, respectively) I own both of these and they blow my mind on a regular basis. I smell so good that I get strangers approaching me on the street to compliment me. A completely and totally awesome friend turned me onto the lotion and it wasn’t long before I was impulse buying every product in the line. But the lotion and oil are the most amazing.

2. Rubis combination slant/point tweezers. ($27.50) Dave checked my Amazon Prime receipt when I got these in the mail the other day and nearly burst a capillary when he saw that they cost 30 bones. I gently told him they were replacing the old pair that I’ve had for SIX YEARS AND I HAVE NEVER FOUND THEIR EQUAL DESPITE NUMEROUS SEARCHES AND I WOULDN’T HAVE TO REPLACE THEM IF SOMEBODY HADN’T DROPPED THEM POINT-FIRST ONTO THE MARBLE FLOOR AND DULLED THEIR TIPS.

3. Molton Brown soothing hand lotion in rose granati. ($22.99) When I lived in London, I walked by Molton Brown’s flagship store every day on the way to work and eventually the smells seduced me inside. This hand lotion kills me every time. And the smell is amazing because it’s delicious while being gender neutral for the men in your life. I keep it by the t.v. and put it on after I come home from school with my hands shriveling from handling paper all day.

4. Mistral liquid hand soap in Grapefruit Red Currant. ($19.00) If you can resist eating this stuff, good on ya. It also keeps your hands soft and makes your bathroom smell like a dream.

5. Laura Mercier honey bath in creme brulee. ($40.00) I take a bubble bath every month…ahem…yeah. You know when. Also, when I get a crick in my neck, which is happening with increasing frequency as I get older. Oh, Wiggs family back problems. I was a fool to think I would avoid you. Anyway. This bubble bath also smells edible. Baxter loves it so much he jumps in with me and won’t get out, even after he’s figured out that the bubbles are hiding his arch nemesis: water. The extra bonus is that this stuff makes our skin baby soft when we get out and have to run wildly around the condo, scraping ourselves along the wall in a vain attempt to get dry.

6. Rosebud Strawberry lip balm and moisturizer. ($7.00) It does the trick. Not like my old favorite, but the cute tin makes up for it, as does the buttery texture.

7. Kinerase Hydraboost. ($75.00…ouch. But totes worth it for me.) Oh man, you guys, this crap has saved my life here in Chicago. See, in the summer, it’s so humid that you could make a living selling your nose grease to Exxon. But then the climate does a 180 on you overnight and the next thing you know, your skin is cracking open and bleeding from being so dry. My sensitive face immediately breaks out into horrible, angry, red zit-slash-raw patches and I look like I have chicken pox. Hydraboost is wonderful – it’s soothing and ultra-moisturizing but it has zero oil. Ahhh…I’m going to go slather some on right now.

8. SkinCeuticals Phyto Corrective Gel. ($49.56) Another skin saver, also introduced to me by my hatefully perfect friend. This is a good year-round treatment for red, sensitive skin. It’s great for all skin types and is perfect to put on under all of your other treatments to make your skin soak them up better. You only need 2-3 drops a day so it lasts for-EVER.

9. Illume ceramic candle in Eggnog Latte. ($20.00) This dude smells like Santa’s farts: aka, delicious holiday cookies. When I burn it, Baxter flips out because he wants to eat it, and he spends the whole time trying to decide if he’s willing to brave the flame to get a bite. So far we haven’t had any nose burns. Probably because I don’t let him get close enough to actually touch it.

10. A sweet little swan ring holder. ($29.95) Since most of these gifts don’t mix well with rings, I’d want to give my gals a ring holder so they can safely park their jewels while they lotion/lather/bathe/tweeze/etc.

Ahem. So…the total cost of these hypothetical stockings would be…$353.90. Whoopsieees.

And let’s talk about the stockings I would stuff, were I rich beyond belief, and had I already made multiple large charitable donations this year.


Yep. That looks about right. Those dudes will only set you back about $195 a piece. Those are so ridiculous that I can’t even fantasize about them properly. Maybe something a little more budget-friendly for this dream of mine:


Tharrr she blows…at 20 bones a pop, I guess I can feel less guilty about my hypothetical Christmas shopping, in the alternate dimension where my name is Oprah Stewart and I’m the love child-slash-heiress of Oprah and Martha.

[EDIT: Dave asked me, as he was reading this post and vociferously protesting the fact that he did indeed drop my tweezers on the ground, if I had been paid to write about any of these products. The answer, alas, is no. I just really love the stuff I use, I suppose. I wonder if I should show my write-ups to the people who make this stuff and see if they’ll give me some free samples. Or a check for a million dollars.]

May 6, 2010


You know how sometimes you’re having a conversation with a friend, and she says something really heavy, like “When I’m feeling lonely I eat my own hair”? And then you realize that you need to drop everything and be there for her, so you spend a couple of minutes talking about your deepest darkest emotions so she doesn’t feel alone? Maybe you share your own hair-eating experiences, like, “Oh hun, it’s okay, I eat my own hair too. Let’s help each other through it.” And maybe your friend sheds a tear or two before sniffling that you’re so great, and you’ve made her feel so much better. And then there’s nothing more to say about eating hair, so it’s time to change the subject. But the previous topic is still hanging in the air and you feel like a bad person for moving on to something less deep, like how you just bought the cutest pair of shoes at Nordstrom last week. You know what I’m talking about?


Yeah, and that’s where we are right now. I dropped an emo bomb on your asses and now it’s like…are we really going to go back to talking about makeup and adventures in the kitchen and failed workout attempts?

Yes. Yes we are. So let’s just power through it. You people are amazing and wonderful and made me really glad I opened up to you about my shizz. In return, I’m going to use the word “moist” as much as possible in this post (fun fact about my mom: the way most people feel about the word “moist” is the way my mom feels about the word “zest.” I don’t get it but I torture her with it on the regs).


So, moist. Why am I saying moist so much? Because you have all asked for lotion recommendations (presumably because you want your skin to be nice and moist, but not too moist, but moist enough to glow). And as a beauty product junkie, I’ve got some moist opinions. Moist.

February 13, 2010

A lipstick adventure

In the last couple of weeks, I have been inspired to try out some lip color after watching Spurtacus Spartacus: Blood and Smut Sand – and not because of the sprays of blood shooting out from the screen at me or the gratuitous nudity.

Erin Cummings, the gal who plays ol’ Sparty’s wife, wears the most amazing lip color in the first episode. These photos don’t do it justice – it’s a pink/mauve/purple thing that looks natural but still colorful. Gorge.

Meow, I’m blonde and non-olive-skinned so I still haven’t managed to find a purple color that looks good on me, but I did find some pinks that totally rock my friggin’ world. The good news is they’re not so HOLYCRAPSHESWEARINGLIPSTICK bright that I look like a street walker if I wear them during the day. Also, after reading that the average woman consumes 4 to 9 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime, I decided to go with stains because they’re more natural-looking and long-wearing.

September 20, 2009

Shop To End SMA


Friends, I know I’ve been a spotty blogger recently and I can only promise you that classes are about to start for me, my manuscript will be handed in, and my life will settle down considerably thereafter. However, even if you’re totally fed up with me and my flakiness lately, please, please click this link and read about what you can do to help end SMA. From

Our daughter, Gwendolyn, has Spinal Muscular Atrophy or SMA Type 1. SMA is the leading genetic killer of infants. It is a terminal, degenerative disease that results in the loss of nerves in the spinal cord and the weakness of the muscles connected with those nerves. SMA impacts the ability to walk, stand, sit, eat, breathe and even swallow. The mind and spirit are no different from that of a healthy baby, but the body eventually fails. Typical babies with SMA Type 1 have a life expectancy of between one and two years and they require around-the-clock medical assistance and monitoring.

I had the honor of attending the same wedding as Gwendolyn Strong and her parents recently, and in that short time I could see how much power and vitality the Strongs impart on the world. Their last name is a fitting tribute to their bond as a family.

Anyway, I’m guessing that many of you read this blog while you’re idling around the Internet, pretending to be busy with other work (that’s when I do MY blog-reading, anyway). So today, read a little bit about Gwendolyn’s story on her family’s blog, then get shopping. You know you were going to anyway. Make those purchases count, people!

FYI, here’s what I’m going to buy through the only thing that has ever fixed my blemishes overnight, the hair treatment because it makes me look like I’m in a Pantene commercial, this gift set because I SWEAR by every single product in it and they’ve never been packaged together before, this because HOLY CRAP A MINERAL MAKEUP THAT HYDRATES OMG OMG I’M DYING WITH HAPPINESS, this because it’s hilarious, and this shirt because it’s classy with just a touch of trollop (which is what I consider myself to be). …and then I will be broke. But at least I’ll know that my dollars went to help end SMA.

Mostly because I’m nosy and want to know what you’re shopping for, you tell me in the comments what you’re going to buy through (make sure you include a link to the product) and I’ll give you TWO extra chances to win a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this Wednesday. That’s serious, people.

August 14, 2009

Gettin’ ready: the day before the day before the day before

Anyone who is married knows that the beautification process leading up to the wedding is a multi-day affair. Because, people, I do not naturally look as good as I did on my wedding day. Future brides, you might want to skip my next paragraph about that. Here’s a fun picture to distract you, instead:

Grand Entrance

Earmuffs, brides: All day on my wedding day, I kept saying, “Welp, this is my peak. My looks are aaaaaall downhill from here.” It made sense – OBVIOUSLY you’re supposed to set your beauty record on the day you get married, but crap, dude, now I want to look like that all the time. Oh well.

So on the Wednesday before the wedding (aka “the day before the day before the day before”), I set about putting the finishing touches on the tail-end of a loooong process I like to call Operation: Hot Bride 2009.

May 8, 2009

Maybe she’s born with it…

…maybe she wears tons of awesome makeup that nobody would ever think of purchasing, much less wearing. (I TOTALLY threw you off there, didn’t I?!)

Last day in Chicago 176

Well, people, that dewy complexion is, alas, not at all natural. I mean, I guess it could be natural if I didn’t wash my face for three days and then used a Clean & Clear pad to selectively degrease everywhere other than my cheekbones…but then my pores would be the size of silver dollars instead of dimes.

May 7, 2009

Mascara review round-up

As promised, here’s your roundup of all of the mascaras I reviewed. Take a look at all of my “after” photos and see if you’ve got a favorite product in the bunch.

To jog your memory, here’s what my eyelashes look like when they’re as naked as centerfold:


And then here are all of the “after” photos next to one another:




I’m going to go ahead and declare a tie between Fresh and Urban Decay, since it didn’t take a ton of time to get my peepers to look defined and full of dramz. I guess. You want to know what I really think, though?

The only mascara I reviewed that was under $20 was the L’Oreal Telescopic. And honestly, unless you’re comparing these photos side-by-side, you can’t tell that it’s any worse than the others. So here’s the question: is it worth it to shell out the big bucks for a mascara that’s only marginally better than your average drug-store loot? When it comes down to it, I think the only thing you should look for in your mascara is a good formula that won’t dry out as soon as you open the tube, and a brush that distributes the product evenly and separates your lashes. Hell, as far as I’m concerned, you could use CoverGirl LashBlast in the giant orange tube that looks like a sex toy. It’s got all of the right components – firm bristles and a nice wet product. The best mascara for you really comes down to your personal preference: do you like a small brush (like Cargo or L’Oreal) that gives you a lot of control but will require more application time, or do you like a large brush (like Urban Decay or Benefit Bad Gal) that will be quicker but more sloppy? Do you want a mascara that looks natural on its first coat (L’Oreal or Maybelline Great Lash) or one that immediately looks like false lashes (Lancome Fatale)?

By the way, a word on Bad Gal: a lot of people swear by it and I like it just fine (especially the blue version). The brush is HUGE so it’s not great for precision, but the formula is fine and you can have almost fake-looking lashes in under a minute. Is it better than Maybelline’s Great Lash? Not once you’ve got it on. Will it save you a couple of minutes in the morning if you like to wear a lot of makeup? Sure. The only decision you need to make is how much you’re willing to pay for those extra minutes.

I know what I’ve just written is sort of anti-climactic, but I did this series to prove a point: whatever mascara I’m currently using is my favorite. I have yet to discover one that I remain loyal to after the first use. In my opinion, there are a lot of other products that I could spend more money on. Cheap eyeshadow, for example, simply isn’t as good as the more expensive stuff. Same with foundation. But mascara is, I believe, the one cosmetic that you can completely skimp on and never miss the high-end brands. Oh, and for the record? DiorShow sucks. Some people will try to convince you otherwise, but don’t be swayed. I didn’t even bother reviewing it because I didn’t want to risk one of you buying it and then hunting me down for revenge.

If you want the nice stuff, do what I do: get it as part of a set. That way you’re saving money and you get some other totally sweet products. This is also how I’ve gotten most of the nice makeup brushes I own. Here are a couple of sets that I recommend if you’re interested in trying some “nice” mascara:

Cargo blu-ray High Definition Makeup Essentials ($49 – this one has the blush/highlighter that I wear nearly every day)

Fresh Magic Wands Mini-Mascara Duo (only 10 bucks, people, so you can see if you like the shizz without marrying it)

Urban Decay Trifecta ($22 – includes their eyeshadow primer that I can’t live without)

Lancome Best Lashes Mascara Set (includes 5 mascaras and makeup remover for $25. It doesn’t have Fatale, but it has Definicils, which a lot of people love. It’s a solid mascara, in my opinion.)

YSL Touche Eclat Set ($68 – includes Touche Eclat, which at a whopping $40 on its own has changed my life. This is a great value if you want to try YSL mascara, eyeliner, and makeup remover as well. FYI, people who have tried the mascara won’t shut the hell up about how great it is; I have yet to jump on the bandwagon, though.)

Bare Escentuals Buxom Betty Collection ($35 – includes their Buxom Mascara, which is great for people who are sensitive to non-mineral makeup. Bare Escentuals – the makers of bareMinerals, which I use as my foundation and zit coverup – has some of the best gift sets I’ve ever come across. Most of them include NICE brushes, and they’re very reasonably priced. Check out their gift set page to see what I mean.)

Sephora Lash Stash (This is the holy grail of mascara sets. A couple of the products I reviewed this week are included in it, like Urban Decay and DuWop. You get 10 mascaras for $35, so you can really see what you like. The only obvious brands they’re missing are Benefit, Dior, and YSL, but as I said before, Dior is not worth your time.)

Clinique Lash Power Set ($18.50 – if you’re in the market for a solid new mascara, you should try this set. Clinique’s mascara is the only kind that people seem to stick with. It’s not trendy and doesn’t feature some new-fangled brush that vibrates and paints your nails while you put your mascara on. A number of my readers love this stuff, judging by the emails and comments I’ve received, and if you buy this set you get a sample of Clinique’s faaaaabulous eye cream as well as a double-ended highlighter stick.)

Anyway. There you have it. As much as I’m willing to write on mascara in one week.

Now a question for you people: what kind of mascara should I try next? I’m in the market for a new tube, and as usual, I don’t give a rip about sticking with my current brand. All I care about is being able to make myself look like a trollop (meaning TONS of mascara without turning into a tarantula). I’ll do a review of whatever you guys tell me to buy!

May 6, 2009

The final mascara review

People, I own more mascaras than this, but these were all I had time to photograph before leaving Chicago (where most of my makeup is packed up and waiting for my return this fall). And I’m willing to bet that I didn’t cover your fave mascara, because this last one is totally random and I sort of hate it. I shouldn’t be surprised; I hate the lip gloss that made the company famous in the first place.  I’m going to do a wrap-up after this with some final thoughts and side-by-side photo comparisons. Also, since I randomly need a new mascara, you people are going to get to tell me what to buy.


So, first of all, I get that the name of the mascara is a take-off on the Lip Venom that put DuWop on the map…but seriously? I don’t want to put that shizz near my eyes. The gloss is called “Venom” because it’s supposed to make your mouth swell up like you’re having an allergic reaction to a bee-sting (think Renee Zelwegger – although I’ll never get why a product designed to make you look like you’re going into anaphylactic shock was successful). The decision to keep the name on an EYE product seems idiotic at best. That said, the mascara DOESN’T burn, but I just had to rant about its unfortunate title.


Okay, so I’ve used this stuff about five times total, and you can already see how dry the formula is. For shame. You should know better than that, DuWop. I think that a big reason for this might be the beeswax that they use as the base for the mascara. While it’s a good natural ingredient – especially for those of you who are sensitive to chemicals – the result is a dry, dull product that won’t add any volume or length to your lashes unless you patiently sit there and apply, like, 12 coats. Which I did, just for you guys. After all, I want to show all of these mascaras in their best light, even if (in this case) the light is poo-colored and disappointing.



So, as you can see, it’s possible to get this stuff to look decent. The giant FAIL, in my mind, is that it takes forever and makes my eyelashes a bit more dull than other mascaras that are pumped full of god-knows-what shine-inducing chemicals.


It’s kind of hard to tell without looking at the photos next to each other, but this mascara basically only added a touch of color to my lashes. No extra volume or length. At $24 a tube, I think your money would be best spent elsewhere, unless you only like barely-there makeup and most other mascaras irritate your eyes.

Stay tuned to see all of the “after” photos side-by-side. It will blow your mind.