Archive for ‘makeup’

September 13, 2012

Let’s talk about your face.

I get lots of makeup emails from you people. Even when I was on hiatus, some of you would email from time to time, asking my opinion about random things…which was flattering, considering that I am no expert. You know who is? I’m about to change your life. Click here. Watch her videos. Die with amazement.

Oh, also…since I’m not doing much photography for the blog these days, you’re going to get sick of seeing photos from various events where someone else was behind the lens. For now, all I’ve got is my mom’s wedding, and I have to crop out other people. Sorry.

Anyway, I do have a little update on my routine.

February 14, 2011

I have VD lips


Ohhhh, VD jokes are never not funny to me. Anyway, just in time for your hot date tonight (with Brad Womack, if you know what’s good for you), here’s my new favorite way to get all tarted up. See, when you’re on t.v. they tell you to wear lipstick because the lights wash you out. So obviously I had to whip out every lip stain and stick I own to find the perfect shade. Hot pink. For VD. {Also, speaking of being on t.v., you can watch me and my mom here. And keep your eyes peeled for a bridesmaid Molly cameo or two, AND look for my awkward facial expressions because I had no idea where to look when I wasn’t talking.}

February 4, 2011


How about a break from the OMG-MY-BOOK-IS-FOR-SALE-DON’T-YOU-LOVE-MEEEE posts? Because for serious, blotchy skin and zits don’t give a crap about whether or not I have a book out. Right. So. PEOPLE. My life, it has been changed. I’ve talked before about how I don’t have the best skin in the world…and that fact has never been so apparent as it is right now, while I’m continually drying it the hell out with sub-zero winter air, then slathering it with goopy moisturizer. Recipe for disaster. Luckily, a little lady known as Julia came to the rescue a couple of weeks ago.

Okay, enough talk. Here’s the magic potion:

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November 30, 2010

One of my classier hostessing ideas

Okay, so we all know that I have this terrible makeup problem. It all started in FIRST GRADE WHEN I GOT ACNE (no, that’s not a typo which is why I put it in all-caps, because THAT’S HOW COMPLETELY EFFING RIDICULOUS IT IS). I remember my mom taking out her tube of Cover Girl concealer and dabbing it on the little bumps that appeared on my chin one day. From that day in first grade, makeup was my savior. Four rounds of Accutane didn’t clear me up, so a little pot of concealer was the only thing that stood between me and the bullies.


April 14, 2010

Making your laziness look intentional

Okay, so here’s the situation: I’ve mentioned before how much I hate showering. I just get so bored in there. So sometimes, when I’ve finally gotten up the energy to bathe, I realize afterward that I no longer have much patience left for makeup. This happens a lot when I’m supposed to look nice, for things like parties and lunches and walking to Walgreens to buy stuffed Twizzlers.


Luckily for me (and you) I came up with a solution of sorts and it’s actually something that will work for just about any occasion, including the three weddings you’re in this summer.

March 8, 2010

First blush of spring

…you see how I made that pun? Get it? Because this is a post about my blush, and it’s almost spring? I am ridiculously clever.

Anyway, I didn’t actually take these photos with the intent of writing a makeup post – in fact, blush and concealer are just about the only cosmetics I’m wearing here. If you read Baxter’s Modern Life, you’ve already seen these images. And, really, how can you even LOOK at my face with the bundle of cute I happen to be holding in these pictures? I know. It’s hard to avert your eyes.

But I digress. For fair-skinned broads like me, good blush is hard to find. Too bright and I end up looking like a trollop; too brown and I look dirty; too purple and I look sickly…but the right color can work miracles. Suddenly I’m glowing, and my eyes look brighter, and my teeth are whiter (which is hard because I drink about four Diet Dr. Peppers a day).

The trouble is that many blushes have pigments in them that are bad for acne-prone skin. And mineral blushes tend to be wayyyyy too pigmented for my blindingly white skin. But Jane Iredale makes a color, Copper Wind, that works miracles for moi. In the compact, it looks too brown, but the warm hue to it is actually what makes it work so well. In the summer, it brings out any color I already have from the sun (yeah, right, if you call off-white a color) and in the winter it livens me up without making me look like I’m going to a Jersey Shore audition.

Do any of you have amazing blush that you’d like to share? Bueller? Was anyone else bored by the Oscars? Bueller?

February 13, 2010

A lipstick adventure

In the last couple of weeks, I have been inspired to try out some lip color after watching Spurtacus Spartacus: Blood and Smut Sand – and not because of the sprays of blood shooting out from the screen at me or the gratuitous nudity.

Erin Cummings, the gal who plays ol’ Sparty’s wife, wears the most amazing lip color in the first episode. These photos don’t do it justice – it’s a pink/mauve/purple thing that looks natural but still colorful. Gorge.

Meow, I’m blonde and non-olive-skinned so I still haven’t managed to find a purple color that looks good on me, but I did find some pinks that totally rock my friggin’ world. The good news is they’re not so HOLYCRAPSHESWEARINGLIPSTICK bright that I look like a street walker if I wear them during the day. Also, after reading that the average woman consumes 4 to 9 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime, I decided to go with stains because they’re more natural-looking and long-wearing.

October 31, 2009

Smoky H-ween eyes

Alright, so – it’s H-ween and you’re getting dolled up as a slutty ______. A big part of being a slutty ______, though, is wearing slutty makeup. Incidentally, this is how much makeup I wear regularly…but oh well. I’m a classy broad and I pull it off.

smokey eyes 077

Smoky eyes are a slutty ______’s nom de plume, if you will. The trubs is, though, that most people look like they got punched in the face when they attempt this look. That’s why I like to modify it a bit, take out some of the more difficult techniques, and make it customizable depending on the colors you prefer to wear. The good news is that my method shouldn’t take you more than 15 minutes, and you can really do it with just four eyeshadow colors.

smokey eyes 081

I did today’s look with purple and navy blue (and then some green in the corner for some H-ween fun) so you can see exactly where I placed each shade. I’ll tell you what you could substitute along the way, but feel free to experiment. The main thing to keep in mind is that you need 1) a light, shimmery color, 2) a medium shade that will be the main color of your look, 3) a deep black or brown matte shadow for lining, and 4) a deep, shimmery color for blending the liner.

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Let’s get BOO it, shall we? (HAHAHAHAHA I AM HILARIOUS!)

October 2, 2009

Purple nurple

Okay. I made it through my first official week of grad school and now I can finally get back on some sort of mother-loving schedule with you, dear readers. Yeesh. This has been the busiest couple of months of my entire life.  So, for my “I’m baaa-aaaack” post, I figured I’d alienate as many of my male readers as possible. Guys, I’m so sorry that I’m about to talk about makeup. I know some of you menfolk read The Beholder to follow my attempts at running/cooking/being awesome at life, and I tell you that you’ll be getting yours soon. Ladies, this one’s for you.

waffles and purple eyes 009

My most fashionable friend has been yammering for weeks about how purple is the new hot color for fall/winter this year. To that I say: holy flattery, Batman! EVERYONE looks good in purple! So why not schmear it all over your face while you’re wrapping yourself in amethyst-colored cable-knit sweaters and violet scarves? (Actually, most makeup artists will tell you not to match your maykee to your outfit. But I am not a makeup artist. I’m just a girl, standing in front of a mirror, asking it to make her look pretty.)

August 14, 2009

Gettin’ ready: the day before the day before the day before

Anyone who is married knows that the beautification process leading up to the wedding is a multi-day affair. Because, people, I do not naturally look as good as I did on my wedding day. Future brides, you might want to skip my next paragraph about that. Here’s a fun picture to distract you, instead:

Grand Entrance

Earmuffs, brides: All day on my wedding day, I kept saying, “Welp, this is my peak. My looks are aaaaaall downhill from here.” It made sense – OBVIOUSLY you’re supposed to set your beauty record on the day you get married, but crap, dude, now I want to look like that all the time. Oh well.

So on the Wednesday before the wedding (aka “the day before the day before the day before”), I set about putting the finishing touches on the tail-end of a loooong process I like to call Operation: Hot Bride 2009.