Some thoughts on weight-loss

I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a number I haven’t seen since college: 120. Part of me felt pretty great about it, because I’m not very good at being able to see weight-gain or weight-loss in the mirror. It’s too gradual, and I’m too blonde. 


(I know this is a repeat image, but I chose it because it's the first picture I've seen of myself since I started training where I can TELL that I'm smaller than I used to be.)

(I know this is a repeat image, but I chose it because it's the first picture I've seen of myself since I started training where I can TELL that I'm smaller than I used to be.)


On the other hand, though, I still feel a bit dissatisfied with the state of my bod. There are still some areas I’d loooove to change. So this is a big lesson for me: the number on the scale is only part of the story. More important than your poundage is how you feel in your own skin. I know lots of women don’t weigh themselves at all, and I applaud that. I’m too good at convincing myself that my clothes still fit when I’m stuffing myself into them with a crowbar, though, so I have found the scale to be a useful tool in tracking my progress. 

I believe that weighing oneself is a personal decision that takes a lot of introspection and insight. A scale can be a slippery slope if you’re the type to get obsessive and start flagellating yourself when you gain a pound after an indulgent weekend. But it can also be a quick way to keep yourself on track if you’re able to maintain a healthy perspective on your body and your fitness. There have been times during the past few months where I’ve intentionally stayed off the scale. I knew I had probably gained a couple of pounds and I didn’t want to feel guilt and anxiety (which can lead to unhealthy behavior) over it. During those times, it was easier to just concentrate on having a good workout and making sure that I was giving my body exactly what it needed, food-wise.

Although I’ve always been pretty active, the big turning point for me in losing the extra weight has been changing my diet.

Right around my birthday in March, I weighed myself one afternoon following a large lunch. The number on the scale was 137. Sure, I had just eaten a ton and it was the afternoon, but that was the most I’d ever weighed. I know this doesn’t at ALL qualify as “heavy” – but for me, it was a shock. I looked in my closet and suddenly saw all of the beautiful clothes I hadn’t worn in months because I didn’t feel good in them. The truth was that they no longer fit me.

The most annoying part was that I’d been working out like a maniac! I didn’t understand why I was gaining weight rather than losing it. Here are a couple of pictures taken during the 137-pound week. I was wearing such a big jacket that it’s hard to see my body, but those jeans I’m wearing used to be my “baggy jeans.” You can see how tight they had grown.

MnJ 047

MnJ 054

The place where I noticed the weight gain the most, actually, was my face. Which SUCKS, because it’s not like you can throw a chunky sweater on your face. I started contorting my neck and avoiding smiling in photographs because of this. Every time Dave took a picture of me, I would yell at him if the camera wasn’t angled above my head so I could make my face look thinner.

Now, again, I want to reiterate that I KNOW I wasn’t even close to being overweight. What was more troublesome was that my weight and my body image were affecting my behavior. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. 

Since I was working out so much, I knew I needed to revisit my eating habits. I quickly realized that on the days I worked out, I basically gave myself a free-pass to eat anything and everything I wanted. 3 bowls of cereal before bed? No big deal; I ran 3 miles today. A 1-pound bag of Swedish Fish? I earned it on the treadmill today. 1400-calorie Pad Thai 3 times a week? I’m a runner now, so I can have treats like that. I know I never wrote about this crap on The Beholder, but that’s because this isn’t a food blog and I don’t like to write about what I eat. For every healthy recipe I shared with you, however, I was chowing down on something terrible for me.

Unfortunately, I had given into my cravings and urges so much that I was almost addicted to eating unhealthy foods throughout the day. I shudder to think of how much weight I would have gained if I hadn’t been working out so much. I’m sure there were days when I was eating more than 3,000 calories even though I only burned an extra 300 during my workout.

Luckily for me, I caught myself early in this cycle of bad eating habits and weird mind-games. I decided that instead of going out and trying a new fad-diet, I would see how far I could get by simply listening to my bod. A couple of weeks later, I wrote this post about it and showed my “before” pictures. (The “afters” are coming soon.)

My eating plan was simple: I only ate when I felt hungry. As I ate, I took my time and made sure to put the fork down before I got that gross, over-full feeling. The biggest challenge for me was being able to tell when my body truly needed food, and when I was just bored, stressed, or tired. I started drinking a cup of tea when I felt the urge to eat if I suspected that I might be fooling myself into feeling hungry. This worked well for me because on the rare occasions that I actually did need more calories, the hunger would almost instantaneously return after I drank my tea and I could tell it was really time to chow down on something delicious. 

It sounds complicated, but it has actually been the easiest thing in the world for me. I never, ever deprive myself and I make a continual effort to eat foods that are full of nutrients. Rather than just having a cup of yogurt, for instance, I throw in some chopped almonds and frozen blueberries (which is actually wayyyyyyyyy more dee-lish than regular yogurt). I make sure to have lots of veggies every day. But I never let myself feel that bitter, cranky feeling that I used to get when I would try diets that forced me to give up carbs or sugar or fat. Now, when I’m hungry, I can even trust my cravings because I’m no longer used to eating processed, sugary foods. And yeah, I still scarf down the occasional fistfull of Jelly Bellies, but since they’re no longer replacing a meal for me, I don’t instantly want to binge on them.

Here’s another recent picture you’ve already seen – it’s another where I can tell how much weight I’ve lost. Mostly because those jeans are a full three sizes smaller than the ones above. Booya.


Anyway, this isn’t by any means intended to be a set of instructions. I just thought I’d share my experience. I’m lucky to be at a place in my life where it’s relatively easy to lose excess weight, and I quickly got used to listening to my body for hunger cues rather than shoveling 800 calories down my gullet four times a day. It’s a much more difficult battle for many women, but I believe that any person could benefit from letting his or her body be the guide, rather than the clock or the emotions.

I hope this isn’t discouraging for anyone to read. I can’t STAND reading those articles about how easy and simple it is to lose weight. It’s not. This solution is, for me, the result of three years of trying to balance my diet and exercise in a healthy way. It won’t work for everyone, but that’s the point: you have to find what works. The most important part is learning what’s best for your health.

Any thoughts or comments, people? I know this sort of veered away from my normal tone and whatnot, but it’s a very real part of my training for the half-marathon and for life. How do you make sure you’re doing what’s right for yourself?


46 Comments to “Some thoughts on weight-loss”

  1. Thanks for sharing. I am in the same boat with a body I did not feel comfortable in and a closet full of clothes that stopped fitting months ago. Even though number don’t matter yours are close to mine and it make me know that the new choices I am making will work with time!

    • Yeah, I sometimes feel like the last 10-15 pounds are the hardest to lose because you’re sooo close but you’re also at a plateau. But keep working on it and experimenting – you’ll find your groove!

  2. I lost so much weight on WW, but then just STOPPED! I couldn’t stay with their pt system when I upped my activity to current levels.

    So, now, I’m still about 65 lbs down from my highest, but still about 10-15 lbs over my goal. And I am mostly working on eating intuitively. (since I cannot exercise much more without making it my full time job. although if you know of anyone who wants to pay me to be a full-time exerciser, let me know!)

    So for me, it’s hard. REALLY hard. But I know why – it’s because I am not actually listening to my body, I’m doing more of that “uh-huh, uh-huh” thing you do when you want someone to THINK you’re listening to them. When I actually pay attention, I drop weight pretty easily! When I faux-liten, I stay stuck here in the same place I’ve been for longer than I care to admit. This week I am concentrating on LISTENING, writing down what I eat & how I feel before & after, and slowing down (that’s often my downfall – I eat like someone is going to steal my food if I don’t hide it fast enough.)

    And now that I typed the longest most self-centered blog comment EVER (yes, your blog is all about me), I think it’s time for lunch.

    And way to go with your success! You look great!

    • Whatevs, I love long comments! I know exactly what you mean about pretending to listen to your body. I do that a lot – but as long as it’s not the norm for you, it’s okay. Sometimes we’re going to overeat, especially when there’s lots of good food in front of us. But I know what you mean about eating fast! I have no clue why – I guess it’s something instinctive left over from the early days of our species when food was scarce and we had to eat it fast or risk getting it stolen from us.

  3. Thanks for sharing this, it’s really helpful and inspiring. What I love about your story is that your approach is healthy and makes sense. No fad diets, no starving, no bullsht.

    I, too, used to think to myself that big meals are okay on days when I had worked out. I would eat EXTRA, because I was GOING to work out. So despite going to the gym regularly for nearly 2 years, I didn’t lose a single pound and complained about it.

    I’d say I’m still in the process of figuring out what works for me. Def will keep your approach in mind!

    PS. first time I saw that picture of you, I was thinking wow, your efforts have paid off! Well done, well done!

    • Aw, thanks! I’m glad you noticed. 🙂 I hesitated to write this post because I don’t want to make it seem like I woke up one day, changed my eating habits, and magically dropped the extra weight. It was a long process with lots of ups and downs. But I WILL say this: once I found what worked, I just knew it. Everything clicked, I started feeling great, and the pounds finally started dropping.

  4. I struggle big time with overindulging in food. In fact, I posted in my blog today about how horribly I’ve eaten over the past few days (today included). I lost 20 lbs last year by cleaning up my eating and listening to my body, but I still enjoyed splurges on a weekly basis, so I was very satisfied! I have not gained any of it back, however, I still have another 15-20 lbs to lose, and haven’t lost anything this year. Thank goodness I exercise, so I’m not gaining, but I really need to get myself under control. Reading this definitely helps, because I can see “real, human results”! Thank you!

    • Good for you for maintaining your weight loss! It’s okay to give your body a break sometimes from losing weight. I’ve started doing that this week because I know that in the next two months I’ll probably lose more weight as the wedding gets closer and I get more stressed. Give yourself a break, and get back on the healthy eating train when you’re feeling motivated to. 🙂

  5. The eating intuitively thing is the exact same tactic I employed to kick start my weight loss – I learned it from Paul McKenna of TLC’s “I can make you thin” – he had some great pointers about how diets suck and to lose weight you really only have to follow 4 rules:
    1. Eat what you want, not what you think you should (don’t restrict anything like carbs or chocolate to avoid obsessing over food)
    2. Eat when you’re hungry (truly hungry)
    3. Stop when you’re full
    4. Eat conscientiously and enjoy every bite
    To start learning to listen to your body, he suggested eating your first meal blindfolded or with your eyes closed. It was crazy – I ate half as much as I normally would and because I was eating slow, stopped eating the overly salty and sweet things. Funny how that works…

    Disclaimer: I stopped listening to Paul once he had me tapping my face to get rid of cravings… he gets a little weird and psychological about food – which I guess would work for people that crave bad shit like crazy and hate working out…

    Anyway, not that it matters, but I totally approve of your choices and methods. Big thumbs up. If only I could drop the last 5-7 lbs now…

    • See, I knew that someone must have formalized this way of eating. I do also think that a big part of reaching my “goal weight” (in quotes because I never really had one) was having a race scheduled. It keeps me working just a leedle bit harder in each workout because I know I’ve got something to train for.

  6. Wiggs – beautiful post. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again…you look fabulous! I remember a few months back when you first emailed me to tell me how similar our situations and goals were. Both around 133 pounds, both wanting to get to 120-125 pounds. The only sadness I feel through all of my happiness for you is that I am still there, in fact I think I’ve gained a couple of pounds since. 😦

    Its funny how our minds align though. Just this week I’ve started thinking differently about my body and my mindset towards it. I haven’t gotten on the scale in two weeks because I know what the numbers will say and there is no need for the added anxiety. Instead I have switched my thinking from “I have to lose 10 pounds” to “I’m signing up for a 5K and striving to PR” and “I want to be able to do 3 real pull-ups so I’m going to add more strength into my workouts” and “maybe I’ll sign up for a fall 1/2 marathon….(!!!)”. I’m going to try intuitive eating because I, too, am guilty of overeating on workout days. I’m trying to be more conscious of what I am eating without depriving myself, because I love to bake and that will always be part of my lifestyle.

    Balance is key, and as long as I am sharing baked goods with co-workers instead of eating them all, keeping the “I’ve worked out today so I can eat 3000+ calories” thoughts out of my head, maintaining a reasonable workout schedule and eating whole foods in appropriate quantities the numbers will drop, just like they did for you. That’s my new “right for me” plan, and I’m hoping to have a similar story to yours in the next couple of months!

    Thanks so much for sharing!!! xoxo.

    • You know what’s surprising, is that I really don’t feel like it’s been that long since I hit my higher weight. I used to be so overwhelmed by the idea of trying to lose weight because it seemed like such a long-term thing, but when it’s just a little bit (as was the case for you and me), it doesn’t take forever. It’s kind of a nice feeling, actually. My friend Lindsey had the same issue as you – she loved baking, but couldn’t keep the cakes and cookies around or she would just eat them all. She found a charity in Seattle where she donates her baked goods. It’s actually pretty amazing, and she always makes a small something for herself or her friends so that she can enjoy the final product, too. I’ll look up the info on it and email you.

      • Ooo, if it is a nationwide charity, would you please share the name with me as well? Perhaps they have a location in my area. Now that I’ve moved away from my carb mongering family, I have the baking issue as well. My husband eats a princess portion and is satisfied, whereas I end up eating a half a cake per sitting (or, more typically, standing over the pan with a fork in my grip).

      • I would totally love to hear about that local charity – ever since Professor K, the KitchenAid, joined the family, the ratio of baked goodies to fresh veggies has shifted dramatically.

      • Funny how that happens, huh? Same for me – ever since Salma (our KitchenAid) came into the world, I have the SAME issue.

      • Thanks Wiggs!!! I’d love to hear about the charity, and will look into something in my area. Or maybe I could start something…!

        Aren’t husbands / boyfriends / significant others so frustrating when it comes to baked goods?!? My hubbs is the same way. A little sliver and he’s done for the week. And I could eat the whole cake in one sitting. Argh. 🙂

  7. I echo Andrea. Really a great heartfelt post. Although I have lost 5-6 lbs (and hopefully more in fat since I gained muscle) I have also fallen into the “I ran 6 miles so I totally need this big [blank]” trap. I think I really need to start making little tweaks in my diet to see some lbs melt away.

    But training for our fall half will help 😉 right, right? I think I am going to sign up after my 10 Mile this weekend (to make sure I can actually do the first goal).

  8. Really, I have to repeat everyone else’s posts; this was a great post of yours! I *totally* relate to what you’re saying. While not “big” in anyone’s eyes, I could certainly stand to loose say 10 pounds. Unfortunately, I’m kinda stuck in your “before” stage, wherein I eat mainly because I’m bored and rationalize it all with “but I ran 6 miles!” Otherwise, what’s the point of all this exercise? That’s probably why I weigh EXACTLY the same as I did the day I started running (though I am undoubtedly more ‘fit’). Although I have (mostly) replaced those midnight potato chips with healthier foods the fact is I do fins myself staring into the fridge at 2 am more often than I’d like. I’ve bookmarked your post and will maybe try to read it BEFORE I go look in the cupboards. Maybe it’ll help . . .

    • Haha, I’m glad it inspired you! It’s hard to write about these things because I realize I’m not overweight. At the same time, I do want to be comfortable in my own skin – so, yeah, those 10-15 pounds I lost have had a huge impact on my self esteem.

  9. I want to thank you for addressing this in such an honest light. My situation is a little different than yours, but echoes some aspects of it. I’ve always been active, never overweight, but in the past nine months or so, I’ve lost about 10 pounds, putting me at 110 for 5’5″, which is a liiiittle on the tiny side. Unfortunately, I became too restrictive and still struggle to break free from that (thank you for addressing the scale issue by the way! It is a delicate balance – no pun intended, hah), but I love reading how you are able to maintain such a healthy outlook on your weight gain. I admire your level headedness and strive to reach the balance that you have. Thanks for a little bit of inspiration.

    • Umm…that would be weight loss, not gain. Sorry about that typo…not a nice one!

      • No worries, I never notice other people’s typos (unless they involve misplaced apostrophes, in which case I let out a banshee scream of rage).

        I’m glad that it didn’t come of as wacky or obsessive. I really tried hard to underscore how important it is to know yourself and assess whether a certain habit is unhealthy for you. I admire that you’re willing to be up-front about overdoing it a little, because that’s an important step in reaching your most healthy state of being.

  10. This post was definitely worth reading. People tend to have the mind set of “you do so much exercise, you can eat what you want” and then you start to believe it and then you eat 500g of almonds and 1kg of yoghurt over 2 days (on top of all the carbs you ‘need’) because you have run 10 miles over those 2 days and then you are gaining weight and it must be my pill or something because it couldn’t possibly be that I ate too much!!! Or was that just me?
    You look so fit and lean, you should be really proud of the effort you’ve put into your training and eating well. It doesn’t come across like it was effortless.
    I was jealous of you at 137 though – damn your beautiful hair 🙂

    • The hair was a nice curtain for when I was feeling self-conscious, I’m not gonna lie. I TOTALLY used to do the same thing as you – finding outside factors to blame for the weight gain. At the same time, though, I’ve realized that I’m one of those gals who takes on up to five extra pounds the week of my Crimson Tide because of the extra water-weight. So sometimes you actually DO get to say “It’s not my fault!” for random extra pounds that appear overnight.

  11. Great post! And great work! It’s so easy for people who exercise to get that “I can eat whatever I want!” mentality. That happened to me. As my mileage increased, I got so much more hungry and FREAKED OUT because I was used to eating less than 1500 calories a day. And I didn’t want to eat more, but by denying it, it just made me binge.

    Lately, I have been trying a new eating schedule (I used to graze) which actually lets me feel hungry and appreciate food more. But… it is so, so hard. Especially when I get stressed and become an emotional eater.

    I am happy that you are figuring it all out and making progress. You’re inspiring!

    • You’re so smart for experimenting with different ways of eating. And you’ll get there – the key is to just listen, listen, listen to the cues your body gives you.

  12. I realllly wanted to comment the other day when you posted this pic that you look so, so tiny! (In a good, kickin’ butt, running kind of way).

    Congratulations on the weight loss, first of all. When you first posted about wanting to lose, I pretty much could have written that post back in October. I wanted to lose about 10-15 pounds and was just so frustrated. But like you, I kind of played around with my eating and working out. As soon as you find what works (and people want to KILL you when you say this!), the pounds really do just drop. Also, I’ve found that training or a set schedule REALLY is key for me. I couldn’t create excuses to miss my workouts (ummm…at least not all the time) and I didn’t want to sabotage my hard work by eatin’ a roll of cookie dough.

    I’m glad you posted about this! I love seeing/hearing what works for different people, since we’re all so different.

    • Dude, having a workout schedule is KEY! I used to think, “Oh, I’m going to go for a run…” and then not really consider any goals for my workout. The result was that I would go for two miles and be like, “DONE!” Sometimes a two-miler is great, but not if you’re in good enough shape to run more.

  13. I have little else to say than: Dude, you’re awesome.

  14. Um, Wiggs? Maybe you should be a counselor as well as business school champion. This post, along with all of your replies to the great comments, is fabulous. Thanks for taking the time not only to write the post but to comment on each of your reader’s thoughts. You’re awesome! 🙂

    • You’re making me blush! Which is good because I’m pale today. I really wanted to be “present” for this post because I don’t think it’s good to put something about weight-loss out there and then let people read between the lines without any clarification/input/babbling from me.

  15. This is a great post! You look amazing and so happy in that last picture from your shower!

    My biggest problem is when I’m at work – I have a hard time determining whether I’m actually hungry or just bored. I often find myself mindlessly munching on pretzels or Chex Mix and before I know it I’ve inhaled half the bag! So not good! I started using the same trick as you and now drink a mug of hot tea or sometimes even hot chocolate (good thing it’s freezing in my office!) and see how I feel after. It has definitely made a difference!

    • Work is always the hardest! When I used to be in an office, I would get hunger pangs like nobody’s business, even though I hadn’t moved from my desk for, like six hours. And if I got an email about free food? I was ready to punch someone straight in the face to get to it. I think a big part of that was being dehydrated – I was never good about drinking lots of water throughout the day. Now that I work from home, though, I don’t have to worry so much…unfortch, this isn’t a realistic solution for most people.

  16. Beautiful post- a great reminder that our bodies will do what we want ,when we do for them what we are supposed to do! Paying attention to the bodies cues can make all the difference- and it doesn’t have to include calorie counting or going without carbs or anything fancy or crazy.
    This was very timely for me- I have gained about 7 lbs in about 2 years- and as you’ve said it would probably be more if I didnt exercise so much. A few months after getting married in June ’07 I found food blogs, and began reading them religiously in the spare time that I was no longer using to do my wedding planning. I started making comparisons of what I ate to what all these others girls ate, and as a result have become obsessed with the scale and with checking those blogs several times a day. My self esteem is in the tubes. When I think back before I found those blogs, I realize that I didnt think of food constantly like I do now, I ate until i was full and then pushed my plate away (which hasn’t happened in a long time). I hardly ever ate snacks “before”- but since every girl in the blog world did, I all of a sudden couldn’t get through a morning or afternoon without a snack. You were spot-on about the mind games we play with ourselves to justify it. Thanks for calling those out!
    Recently I have been trying to break the food blog reading habit, and the “eating because it is time” habit/”finish everything on my plate” habit. I hope to get back to the basics and find a groove again.
    Thank you for reminding me it is possible to eat intuitively and that it can work.
    You look beautiful- and you will do great in your 1/2 marathon and will be a beautiful bride as well 🙂

    • Thanks for the compliments! I completely appreciate the purpose of food blogs, and I think that they can be great resources for both the authors and their readers. I read a few and I love getting new ideas for healthy meals. That said, however, I do sometimes have concerns about the slippery slope of disordered eating. That’s why this isn’t a food blog: I know that I would probably get obsessive about my diet. I try to use the food blogs I read as sources of inspiration, rather than instructional dieting information – and I think that’s how most of the authors intend them to be used. But if you find that they make you feel differently about food, maybe you should take a break and see if your perspective changes…? I had to do that with celebrity blogs because I was starting to feel my self esteem evaporate each time I saw a picture of a starlet in a bikini on the white-sand beaches of Tahiti, and since I’ve stopped reading them I no longer engage in the futile practice of comparing myself to women with millions of dollars and a team of people making sure they look beautiful 24 hours a day.

      • Thanks Wiggs- I am definately taking a break from food blogs, because you’re right, they made me feel differently about my food choices, my body and utlimately my self esteem has suffered.
        Ironically, I was in Tahiti on my honeymoon. We did see an NBA star, but otherwise all the chics that were there were totally “normal”- with the exception of the few with implants- though that’s pretty normal these days too:-) Thank god real life doesnt immitate the celebrity culture most of the time.

  17. I just found your blog and have been reading through older post. I just got caught up and I have to say, this post right here sealed me in to be a daily reader.

    Absolutely awesome.

    Happiness Awaits

  18. this is an amazing post! 🙂 I just recently signed up for a half marathon at the end of sept and have also decided to follow the hal hidgon novice training plan. I’ve also slowly gained 10 lbs since i’ve started reading food blogs. I am extremely active, but also feel like its the same reason as you. I exercise, so I can eat. I am eating healthy food, but I think far too much of it. I’m hoping I can have the same results as you with trying to control my intake as well as starting to train for the half marathon. Thank you so much for the inspiration, this really lit a fire under my butt.

    • Well, yay – that was my intention. I work out because I love being able to do it and have a fun race to train for, but there’s also an element of vanity in it for me. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to that. Luckily, I think I’ve found a way to continue to build strength and health while reaching your more aesthetic goals…I like hearing from people who have experienced the “I worked out, so I get to eat whatever I want” days. I won’t lie, I still have ’em sometimes.

  19. I was on a mini-vacation after finals, so I’m a little behind, but still wanted to say…well, thanks for this post. It’s awesome that you’re so honest and matter-of-fact about your weight gain and loss. I never weigh myself except at the doctor’s office and try to go instead by how my clothes fit and how I look in the mirror.
    But I love what you wrote about your eating habits!! So many people seem to spend every waking moment thinking about what they’re eating, how many calories and nutrients are in it, whether it’s organic or vegan or whatever, and I just do not want thoughts of food and calories to consume my life. I try to do what you do–stop and think for a minute when I start to feel hungry and decide what I’m really craving, whether it’s water or tea, some fruit, or maybe just a few minutes walking outside. My next step is to spend more *time* eating, savoring my food, instead of chowing down while I’m at my desk or watching TV without even noticing the flavors.
    All said and done…you rock!

    • Aw, well I’m glad that you got a chance to read this post. You sound like you’re on the right track – it’s such a personal evolution, but once you get there it’s wonderful!

  20. Hi,

    Congrats on the weight loss! I was wondering, just out of curiosity, how tall are you?

    Thanks…I love your blog!

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