The Greenest of Green Salads

…that might be an overstatement. There are probably greener salads in existence.

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Anyway. As we move into warmer months and suddenly salads sound appetizing again, I thought I’d share my most recent concoction with you people. This was the result of opening my refrigerator to discover a teeny tiny amount of lettuce and some random produce leftover from recipes I made earlier in the week. And it was, in a word, incredible.

First things first: the ingreeds.

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Serves 2 (or 1, let’s be honest)

  • 2-3  green onions (depending on their size)
  • About three inches of a cucumber
  • Half an avocado
  • Roughly 2 handfuls of the lettuce of your choice
  • Half a can of garbanzo beans, drained
  • Homemade Italian vinaigrette

The ingredients for the Italian vinaigrette are:

  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup red wine vinegar or apple cider vinegar
  • 2 cloves garlic, crushed and finely minced (or garlic paste)
  • 1/2 tsp garlic powder, if you have it
  • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes or cayenne
  • 1/2 tsp oregano
  • 1 tablespoon lime juice
  • salt and pepper to taste

(that’s a lotta dressing ingredients – I advise that you go rogue with this shizz and just keep adding stuff till it tastes good. The key is to use a light vinegar and a goodly amount of garlic.)

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Add all of the dressing ingredients minus the olive oil and the salt and pepper to a bowl. Whisking vigorously, slowly add the oil in a thin stream. Season with salt and pepper and set aside.

Next! It’s tiiiiime to assseeemmmmmmbbblllllleeee the saaaallllaaaaadddddddddd!!!! Omigaw I love salad. Love it. Before you do ANYTHING, get out a large salad bowl and a pair of tongs. If you have never used tongs to toss and serve a salad, then your life is cold and empty and you must rectify the situation immediately.

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Wash and peel your green onions, remove the gnarly ends, and slice them finely. After I did that, I went through and chopped them again. The goal with this salad is to have everything in small pieces – like a chopped salad – so that you’re not getting overwhelming bites of avocado or onion or lettuce.

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Next, dice your avocado. I cut my half into quarters and then sliced those quarters into small chunks.

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Now here’s where you get to learn something (maybe). Cut your cucumber into quartered slices. Most people do this by either slicing their round cukes and cutting each slice into quarters, or by quartering the cuke lengthwise and slicing each wedge. To that technique I say, “Pshaw, right.” Pliss, to observe the cuke-slicing method I learned while hanging around in the kitchen of a cafe owned by my friend Alison’s family:

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Impressed?! Well, you should be. BOW TO MY GLORYYYYY!!! I AM WIGGS, THE INCREDIBLE CUCUMBER SLICER!!!!

Right. Next, chop your lettuce into very small (1/2 – 1 inch) pieces. Add it and the garbanzo beans to your bowl.

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Dump your salad dressing on top and use your tongs to thoroughly toss. Shake your head in awe at how wonderful it is to use tongs when making a salad. Pause, go write a check for $200, stick it in an envelope, and mail it to Wiggs.

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Now it’s decision time: do you tell your live-in male model that you’ve made enough salad to share, or do you eat it all yourself?

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Tell me about some of your surprise salad successes. I’m always on the hunt for new and delicious ways of getting my greens. (For example: bacon, caramelized onions, romaine lettuce, and gorgonzola? Holy frig.)

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5 Comments to “The Greenest of Green Salads”

  1. Wiggs, your post has made me want to whip my own salad our of my bag already, and it’s only 10:15am. I think I need salad tongs…

  2. I love that you call ingredients the ‘ingreeds’ lol.

    That salad looks delicious and is actually tempting me to stray away from my traditional Caesar salad only philosophy!

  3. Goat cheese and dried cranberries. nom nom nom.

  4. mmmmmm that salad looks SO good 🙂

  5. I know this is an old post, but can I please share with you my signature salad of fancy-bistro dreams:

    Start with mixed greens (or baby greens, or spinach, or whatever you want.) Saute in bit of olive oil some sliced portobello mushrooms with a clove or two of crushed garlic. Then, add some sliced sundried tomatoes to the pan and saute some more. Set aside, removing the garlic cloves.

    Crumble some goat cheese and toast some chopped walnuts.

    Make a vinaigrette out of fig balsamic (or regular balsamic, if you must), a touch of honey, and the oil from the jar of sundried tomatoes. Toss it all together into one glorious, delicious, toothsome salad.

    The warmth from the sauteed ingredients softens the cheese just a little, and wilts the greens a bit. Filling, impressive, but easy and relatively quick. Go ahead and charge someone $15 for it, I won’t tell.

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