I have no choice! The Bachelor refuses to die!

So here I was, all innocently ready to watch America’s Next Top Model and forget all about Jason “Jerk of the World” Mesnick, and then I find out that Melissa joins Dancing With The Stars? The one reality show that I DON’T like?!

Of course, now I HAVE to watch it. I’m not gonna like it, but I think it’s clear that I don’t have a choice in the matter. They even used her picture from The Bachelor because they didnt’ have time for a photoshoot before she had to go on the show!

Melissa's photo from The Bachelor

Melissa's photo from The Bachelor

...and her photo from Dancing With The Stars

...and her photo from Dancing With The Stars

Melissa was chosen last-minute to join the cast of Dancing With The Stars because Nancy O’Dell dropped out four days prior to the premier due to injury. And she did pretty well! Please, to observe:

Meanwhile, here’s what Jason and Molly did this week:

Let’s play a game: take a drink every time one of them says “New Zealand.” Actually, nevermind. You’ll end up in the hospital. And AGAIN, Molly says something idiotic: “I think New Zealand [drink!] is incredibly romantic…I have some GREAT memories there.” How about the memory of Jason dumping you? Is that one of your GREAT memories, Molly? How about the memory of not being able to tell your family that your heart was broken because you were contractually obligated to keep the ending of the show a secret? Hmmm? All’s I can say is: PHONY.

Even more hilarious, here’s what Jason had to say about Melissa going on Dancing With The Stars:

“I am so excited for Melissa…I know she has danced her whole life and she must be excited for the opportunity. I hope and think she will win it all.”

I like to think that the quote means that he watched the show, and if he watched it, he saw everyone ripping into him. Says host Tom Bergeron: “Two words, Jason: people skills.” WHAMMY! You got TOLD, Jason!

The turd-burglar himself

The turd-burglar himself

Finally, Reality Steve had a pretty astute sum-up of Jason’s shiftiness in the past week. He lays it out way better than I ever could:

On Wednesday, Jason immediately came out and said he broke up with Melissa on TV because he was “contractually obligated to.” Then Mike Fleiss immediately shot back with, “Uh, no you weren’t.” Then Jason spun it to, “Well, Melissa knew we were having problems and we were already broken up. We had ended things a week earlier.” Then Melissa on with Ellen Thursday says, “Yeah, the breakup was mutual, we were broken up. But what upset me was the lying. I asked him numerous times if it was about Molly and he said ‘no’. Then we get on TV to tape the ATFR 1 and he informs me it is.” Then Jason the next day on Ellen says, “Yeah, I wasn’t contractually obligated. I felt I was doing what the producers wanted me to do, and I take full responsibility for that. If I could take anything back, it was that I did it on camera. She didn’t need to go through that.”

In conclusion, Jason still sucks, Molly is (unfortunately) beginning to suck as well, Melissa is ridonkulously good at dancing, and Kitson needs to manufacture TEAM MELISSA t-shirts. Or maybe I should. Then I would get rich rich riiiiiiiiiich!

When I was looking for the video of Melissa on DWTS, I came across this little ditty (to one of my workout songs, no less!). It’s a little bit like staring into a strobe light, but it does a good job of showing how little poise and dignity Jason has when compared to Melissa.

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