Melissa’s only interview (The Bachelor)

…on Ellen! God, I love Ellen. She’s incred.

So I know I promised that I wouldn’t write anymore, but I know that some of you are following the saga and we must get closure, to borrow a phrase from Melissa herself.

Here are my thoughts:

1. I’m glad she confirmed that those emails were real.

2. Wow, the After The Final Rose Ceremony show was worse than I thought in some ways, and better in others. On the one hand, I thought that she and Jason were still a little bit up in the air when he dumped her, but it turns out that they were already pretty over (so it was a re-dumping? Weird, Jason. Suuuper weird. But better for Melissa, since she wasn’t taken off-guard). On the other hand, Jason straight-up cheated on her! I thought that Molly was completely in the dark before coming on the show. I feel so lied to – he and Chris were soooo adamant that this was Jason and Molly’s first time to see or speak to each other. LIARS! LIAA-AAAARS! (fast forward to 3:00)

3. So that makes Molly’s little performance – her “shock” and “surprise” and “confusion” – the way she mouthed “WHAT?!” at Chris – one big giant fake McFakerson Fakeitty Fake fake FAKE fakeness and I’m really pissed off about it. I’m disappointed that she decided to go along with their little charade. For shame. For SHAME, Molly. Turns out she and Jason are a better match than I thought. Watching the video knowing that they were already together makes every little gesture seem completely phony and awful. And weird! So, so weird.

The “WHAT?!” part is at 1:21, below:

4. I love how Melissa says that she definitely won’t be friends with either Jason or Molly. Her line about how they’re not the sort of people she would be friends with…priceless. They ARE the sort of people I would hang out with. I’d hang out with them and talk a TON of crap about them behind their backs.

5. But…I’m a little weirded out that Melissa is already in another relationship. I just have a harder time believing that she really loved Jason if she already has a boyfriend. I’m glad she clarified that they’ve known each other for a long time…but still. I mean, I’m happy for her (as happy as I can get for a reality show star who I don’t know), but if I were her PR agent I would have told her to keep the new bf under wraps. At least until the firestorm dies down. I’ve been through a couple of breakups in my day, and I don’t see how this new guy could be anything other than a rebound. And rebounds are always lame. One of my rebounds was this guy who called himself a “poet in a football player’s body” and practiced his “Blue Steel” model face every time he caught a glimpse of himself in a reflective surface.

6. I hope Jason watched that interview and was like, “DAMN…Molly…uh…we need to talk.” Because you know that’s what he’s eventually going to do.

Jason and Molly are on Ellen tomorrow and I hope she grills them about making out while Jason still had the ring from his dumped fiancee in his pocket. But she won’t. She’s too nice.

Anyone else have any final thoughts on this circus?

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