Succulents. They’re everywhere.
Here are some other psychic style moments Aubrey has had:
- Grey is the new neutral. You know when she told me about that? 2008, bitchez. That was, like, two years before everyone went grazy (see what I did there?). That was back when everyone was all gaga over deep black-brown. Remember how brown and aqua blue were all the rage? Yeah, Aubrey was already going for gray and blush.
- Every nail polish color, ever. Whatever Aubrey has on her nails is sure to be all over Pinterest in about a month. She showed up to my wedding with Mimosas for Mr. & Mrs., which saved me from bubble-gum pink nails on my big day. Aubs, I know you’re out there – what color are you wearing right now?
- Skinny jeans. Remember boot cut pants? Yeah, me neither. But Aubrey was running around in her skinnies while I was still whining about how they would make my FUPA look.
- Smoking shoes. She told me about those four months ago, so if you get them now, you can still be the trend-setter in your group of friends. Trust. Go buy a pair and then come back and thank me (well, thank Aubrey, I suppose).
ANYHOO. I’ve had a succulent-craving ever since Aubrey’s wedding, but unfortunately I can’t handle the responsibility of a live plant. See, I have no fear that I can easily care for Baxter, because he’s sweet and cuddly. A plant? I’d forget about it and kill it within a month.
Sad story: when I was little, Santa gave me two hamsters. I was a very creative child, so I named them Brownie and Whitey. One day, Brownie bit me. After that, I didn’t want to play with them. So…I forgot about them. I can’t believe I just admitted that. Anyway. my mom did what all moms do when their children graduate from the rodent-crazy phase (doesn’t every little kid go through that?). She moved them into the garage and took care of them herself. But one fateful morning, she awoke to a murder scene. Whitey had killed Brownie. Rather than keep a murderer in our home, my mom donated Whitey, deluxe hamster cage and all, to the local preschool.
It was a real lose-lose-lose situation.
Anyway. The point is, you can only trust me to care for cute things.
QED, a succulent terrarium, aka the centerpiece everyone wants, is not an option for me.
Unless! I found a fake one. Three hours of Googling later, and I hadn’t found anything that fit the bill. So I…gulp…decided to DIY. I followed this tutorial. Here are the results. Sorry about the crappy cell phone pic.
Now, let me tell you: I had the bowl and stainless steel rocks (vintage Ikea from 2006). But this was not a cheap project. People who claim to save money by DIYing shit are liars. I only went this route out of desperation. I think I ended up spending 60 bones on it, but I told Dave I could amortize it over the next three years because we’ll definitely be enjoying it for that long. Assuming Aubrey doesn’t inform me about something even more fabulous that’s about to take Pinterest by storm.
Here she is in context – all I need is a fabulous runner so she doesn’t look like she’s floating. Sorry again about the cell phone pic. I WARNED you that the quality of this blog was going to be worse.
Didn’t I do a good job? TELL ME I DID. Six hours and three blisters later, I’m not prepared to hear any criticism whatsoever.