When it comes to making soup, it’s time to shizz or get off the pot. Warm weather is just around the corner, so pretty soon we’ll be in full-blown salad season and delicious soups like the one I’m about to show you will be but a distant, faded memory.

Okay, scratch that. This crap is so good you’ll probably make it this summer and then sit there at your dining table, torn between your aversion to pitting out and your overwhelming desire to inhale the contents of the bowl before you.

I had a soup like this once at Pesos in Seattle and ever since then I’ve been dying to try recreating it. I actually like MY version better. Take THAT, Pesos, with your snobby waitresses and douchey clientele (anyone who’s been there before knows what I’m talking about here).

Wiggs’s Awesome Chicken, Avocado, and Lime Soup

The ingreeds:

• 1 large onion
• 2 tablespoons of garlic paste
• Roughly 1.5 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 quart chicken stock
• 1 skinless, boneless chicken breast…wait, maybe it was a half breast. All I know is it weighed about half a pound.
• Canned, diced tomatoes (or you could dice your own friggin tomatoes, but why would you subject yourself to such misery), drained
• Lime juice to taste – I ended up using like 1/3 cup, but I think most people would want about half that
• 1/2 tablespoon of cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon of paprika
• Dash of cayenne, if you like that sort of thing
• Salt & pepper to taste
• 2 tortillas (or, if you’re me, two pieces of light Flatout flatbread)
• 1-2 avocados depending on how many people you’re serving
• 3ish green onions (mine were like mutant onions and I only used two…so use your best judgement)
• Fresh cilantro, chopped, if you have any

First, thinly slice the onion. Throw the onion, garlic, and olive oil into the soup pot over medium heat. Add a little bit of salt and pepper.

While that’s cooking, preheat your oven to 400 degress and julienne the tortillas. What the eff does julienne mean, you ask? It just means that you cut them in long, thin strips. The easiest way to do this is to lay one on top of the other and roll them into a spiral. Then slice the spiral. It seriously takes, like, 45 seconds. So don’t whine about it.

Spread the strips evenly over a cookie sheet and stick it in the oven for about 6 minutes. Keep a close eye on them or you’ll accidentally leave them in for 10 minutes and have to throw their charred remains away while your fiance isn’t paying attention, because he yells at you when you waste food.

Once the tortillas are in the oven, cut the disgusting, raw chicken into small pieces. Consider asking your fiance to do it for you, but realize that he’ll see the burnt tortillas in the trash and make a fuss. Instead of touching the cold, dead, slimy meat, grab a pair of tongs and use them to hold the chicken in place while you cut it, gagging the whole time.

At this point, the onions should be soft and delicious-looking. Don’t let them get too brown…although that would probably taste delicious too. Throw in the chicken and tomatoes. Let the meat cook a little bit, then pour in the chicken broth and spices. Bring everything to a boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer.

While that’s happening, slice your green onions and cut your avocado into pieces. Toss the avocado in a bit of lime juice so that it doesn’t turn brown.

When the chicken is cooked through (about 6-8 minutes), add the lime juice a bit at a time, tasting frequently, until the broth is tart but not sour. Adjust the seasoning.

Let each person load up the soup with tortilla strips, green onions, and avocados. Also, fresh cilantro would have been amazing…but I didn’t have any. Bummer.

This serves four people for an entree, or six people for a side dish. Or…if you’re me and Dave, you’ll each eat half of the soup and call it a day. Each serving (if dividing the recipe by four) has about 285 dee-friggin-licious calories.