How I blew my own mind

So I realize that I’ve been very food-focused recently and haven’t posted much about fitness. That’s because there’s nothing to post. After running the half-marathon, my life turned into a whirlwind of wedding, moving, and starting school and my exercise has dwindled to zero. I suck, people! I don’t know what happened! Anyway, I’ll come up with some brilliant plan soon and tell you aaaaaall about it.

In the meantime, here’s another Wiggs Original that – if made – will change your life. I am so awesome sometimes it hurts.

I call it…

Pineapple Cucumber Agua Fresca.

Gratitude Project, 2009

My mom started something called The Gratitude Project last year in November. It was such a hit that she’s re-doing it this year – and you can be part of it! Check it out here, and bonus points if you can find my post.

From my mama’s blog:

Instructions: Posting is ridiculously simple. All you need to do is send your gratitude in an e-mail to post@gratitudeproject.posterous.com. You can write a line or two or three, whatever you like. You can also attach a picture or video. Then come to www.gratitudeproject.posterous.com and see everyone’s posts. Put that e-mail addy in your address book. Please chime in! I can’t wait to hear from you!

Only she would say “addy” instead of address.

Also, she didn’t mention that the title or subject of your email will be the title of your post.

Anyway, I have a plan: see, yesterday my mom and I were talking on the phone about maternal guilt, which had been the topic of a trend analysis I did for school, and she said: “I never felt maternal guilt when it came to you. I knew you were so lucky to have me as a mom. Why would I ever feel guilty?!”

So I’m trying to one-up her by proving that, in fact, she is lucky to have me as a daughter. Because I am awesome. This is where you come in: as my readers, you (by the transitive property of BOOYA) are also awesome. Post what you’re grateful for at her Gratitude Project, and BLOW EVERYONE ELSE OUTTA THE WATER. Let’s be grateful for so many things that we will CRUSH ALL OTHERS WITH OUR HUMILITY. At the end of your message, just say “brought to you by The Beholder” or something that lets everyone know to give ME partial credit for your thankfulness.

In other words, find (and post) FIVE things to be grateful for every day. Or TEN! Or TWENTY! Oh man, people, we’re going to knock my mom’s socks off. Think of it as a competitive food-drive: if we post more than anyone else, we get (1) the soul-healing benefit of taking some time out of our lives to reflect on our blessings, and (2) the knowledge that our thankfulness is superior to everyone else’s. It’s like a two-for-one deal.

Now…go!

Some blog-love

People, I know that the majority of you do your blog-reading from your desk at work. I can tell because so far none of you have revolted against my overly verbose, parenthesis laden posts. Let’s be honest: if you’re reading a blog at work, you’re looking for some grade-A distraction.

All of this is to say that you should probably stop pretending to fiddle with an Excel sheet and read this blog. Right now. (Warning: Meg, the main author, douses each entry in deliciously foul language and offensive humor.) Every time I read a new post, I end up bursting into laughter, which is bad because I’m usually in a study lounge at school trying to look all smart and overworked.

And if on the off-chance any of you have connections with the Jager company, pass along Meg’s blog. I will buy anything she sells me. Anything.

Anyway, it’s midterms week for this little Wiggs, but pretty soon I’m going to share with you the recipe of the best thing I’ve ever made in my kitchen. Ever. The photo at the top of this post is a hint, and that’s all I’m going to say.

What blogs are you totally addicted to (besides mine, OBVIOUSLY)?

I’m about to get fresh with you

So now that I’ve got a job AND I’m in business school, I have zero time for anything unless it starts with “online” and ends with “shopping.” Obviously this has started to take its toll on my eating habits – a month ago I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I consumed a fresh vegetable. I’m sure some of you were crying yourselves to sleep at night over my sad lack of cooking posts. It’s okay. This is a safe place. You can admit it.

I realized something had to change, so I went online and found my new best friends: Irv and Shelly. They run Fresh Picks, a family-owned business here in Chicago that works with 60 local farms to deliver fresh produce to our doorsteps. They have a weekly Fresh Picks box featuring whatever is in-season, or you can pick and choose the items you’d like to have delivered. Fresh Picks can also organic non-local products, like avocados and pineapples, so if you absolutely MUST MAKE GUACAMOLE RIGHT NOW OR YOU’LL DIE, you can count on them. AND they’re no more expensive than my local grocery store. AND they send a weekly newsletter with seasonal recipes in it! So booyah. I’m a changed woman. Here’s a little slice of this week’s delivery:

And that’s not even a third of it! We got fresh basil, homemade strawberry yogurt, a pumpkin, green onions, cranberry & pepper crackers, grape tomatoes, green beans, honey crisp apples…I’m getting a lump in my throat just writing about it. Seriously, folks, if you’re in Chicago you must try them – especially if you do most of your shopping at Trader Joe’s, where the produce is vomitously tasteless and pale. Oh, and by the way – I did something incredible with the veggies you see above. See, I sorta went overboard on this week’s order…everything looked so good!…and we ended up with about 10 pounds of root vegetables and no clue what to do with them.

I actually made up my own recipe! It was divine, if I do say so myself. Without further ado, I give you…..

Wiggs’s Roasted Freak-Out!

H-ween in review

Welp, I only managed to get one picture of myself in my H-ween costume. I guess that’s what you get for being the photographer. Still, I wouldn’t want to build you up (build you up) build you up, baby, just to let you down (let you down) and mess you around…annnd you’re welcome. You’ll have that song in your head all day. And what a beautiful day it is – here are the leaves outside my window this morning:

Anyway. Last night I went roving about town as…

Smoky H-ween eyes

Alright, so – it’s H-ween and you’re getting dolled up as a slutty ______. A big part of being a slutty ______, though, is wearing slutty makeup. Incidentally, this is how much makeup I wear regularly…but oh well. I’m a classy broad and I pull it off.

Smoky eyes are a slutty ______’s nom de plume, if you will. The trubs is, though, that most people look like they got punched in the face when they attempt this look. That’s why I like to modify it a bit, take out some of the more difficult techniques, and make it customizable depending on the colors you prefer to wear. The good news is that my method shouldn’t take you more than 15 minutes, and you can really do it with just four eyeshadow colors.

I did today’s look with purple and navy blue (and then some green in the corner for some H-ween fun) so you can see exactly where I placed each shade. I’ll tell you what you could substitute along the way, but feel free to experiment. The main thing to keep in mind is that you need 1) a light, shimmery color, 2) a medium shade that will be the main color of your look, 3) a deep black or brown matte shadow for lining, and 4) a deep, shimmery color for blending the liner.

Let’s get BOO it, shall we? (HAHAHAHAHA I AM HILARIOUS!)

The grossest vegetable invented

People, I used to haaaaaaaaaaaaate Brussels sprouts. My mom always prepared them by boiling the crap out of them until they became off-white lumps of mush and smelled like bad morning breath mixed with dirt. I believe – and my mom can probably back me up – that I never once at a Brussels sprout while living under my parents’ roof.

What a GREAT idea

Christina suggested that I do a smoky-eye look for H-ween. Well, ask and ye shall receive. It’ll be up on Friday. I might just do some trollop-style lipstick, too. You know, cover all of the bases.

Same old, meme old

I have a spare two-point-eight seconds to do a blog post. Don’t worry, photos from Aubrey’s wedding are right around the corner, AND I did some impulse produce shopping so expect a couple of good recipes just in time for fall, AND I’m going to give you an update on my working out/health routine soon…but for now, you’ll have to settle for this li’l meme that’s been going around the blog world. Also, just for grins, here are the hands of my three best friends and me. We should be a friggin’ diamond ad.

Scratch out the items on the list that you’ve done in your life…

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado. {from Wiggs: on my playground when I was in second grade…it was awesome.}
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep. {from Wiggs: crying is WAY too energizing to put me to sleep.}
Spent over $200 in one day. {from Wiggs: how about spending LESS than $200 in a day? Here’s my most recent $200+ purchase:}

A rug!!!!

Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on. {from Wiggs: by two guys with the same name, no less}
Written a 10 page letter. {from Wiggs: Millennium Digital Media in Seattle can go straight to hell}
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do. {from Wiggs: I got in trouble for plagiarizing when I was little, but it turned out that I was just a good writer. WHO’S AN AUTHOR NOW, MRS. CARSON?!?}
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality. {from Wiggs: no, but in middle school I pretended to question it because my best friend came out. I’m sure that was a BARREL of laughs for my parents.}
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster. {from Wiggs: I had Brownie and Whitey when I was eight (REAL creative on the names – I’ll bet you can’t guess what color they were). But then Brownie ate Whitey one night. So…}
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

…Hm, moral of the story is that I haven’t really done much bad stuff. I don’t know how I feel about this “crossing out” stuff…it makes me feel like I should be working on crossing the rest of this shizz off the list. So…I guess I’m going to go pet the rats that live across the street from me and then start a fist fight. I’ll let you know how that goes.

You’re welcome.

People, you HAVE to click  here and watch the 1-minute, 37-second video. It combines one of my fave photographers, one of my fave singers, and my fave animal.